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There have been studies that broke down what the perfect dating profile looks like, but we have yet to come across someone who has one until now. NYMag.com went to OK Cupid co-founder, Christian Rudder and OKTrends data to find the most desirable singles on OKCupid. One was awesome enough to share her best five online dating tips.
Have you ever had a guy friend-crush? A guy pal who you’d like to be more? But you haven’t flirted or made your interest known because he might already have a wife or girlfriend? Or maybe you’ve been too afraid of ruining the good friendship you have if a romance doesn’t work out?
I was curious about how to move from the friend zone to more, as several previously coupled guy pals have recently become single. So I was thrilled to meet a woman whose boyfriend had been a long-time friend first. I grilled her for details of the transition.
Since most people feel it’s important for their mate to also be their friend, it makes sense to start with someone you already know well and trust. You know each other’s foibles and love them anyway. The advantage is you already know the type of person they are, and have determined their personality quirks aren’t so off-putting.
The question becomes who breaks the “friend” wall first and how? I asked my new friend. She said her boyfriend was the first one to let it be known he thought of her romantically. “How did he do that?” I asked nosily. “Did he ask you for a date, kiss you, or tell you?” She was coy. By her response I gathered that he kissed her. And she liked it! So there wasn’t much time for her to think about whether she wanted to date him, if she thought of him romantically, if kissing him would be like kissing a cousin. She just let it unfold and liked it so didn’t see a reason to stop.
I can see that overthinking it could cause a problem. As I think of these newly single guys, I do wonder if it would be hard to find a romantic tingle since we know each other so well. Would we be able to get beyond the sister/brother image of each other? And what if it didn’t work out — would we be able to go back to our good pal relationship?
When my parents were in their 50′s, they had several sets of married middle-aged couples who were socially active together. When one of the women died and then one of the men died, I was surprised that a short time later the two surviving spouses began to date, and then got married. They hadn’t flirted with each other when their spouses were alive and I would have been surprised if there had been any sexual chemistry. But they found something they liked in the other enough to date and marry. Maybe it was such familiarity that they found it easy to integrate into the other’s life.
So what do you think it takes to move to “beyond friend” zone? If you’ve done it, how did it happen? Did you initiate it or did he, and how?
Much has been written about how Facebook has helped end many marriages because people rekindle relationships with old flames. They begin romancing each other through emails, texts and calls until their allegiance to their spouse withers and they have become etionally attached to their new-old flame. Sometimes the damage is done without their actually seeing each other after decades or having a physical affair.
Recently, I heard a story of a marriage shattered by a similar story. But this one happened in real life, not just virtual. There was no sex involved, but the wife insisted on a divorce because her husband was having an emotional affair. He was entranced by another woman, but the only physical part was his taking her hands in his while they talked over coffee. Even their walks on the beach didn’t involve touching. But he bared his soul to her as did she to him.
When his wife found out, she was humiliated and hurt. One can understand her reaction. But if there’s no sex, is it really cheating? Many think yes.
In response to my asking potential suitors why their marriage ended, the most common reason is there was no physical connection and no sex. They’d stopped touching each other. It’s rare to hear a man say he lost his emotional connection to his wife if they were still having sex.
So it is really an affair if there’s no sex or touching? Have you had such touch-free assignations with someone you’ve become emotionally attached? If so, how did you hold your boundaries about not allowing yourself to seduce/be seduced?
It is February 14th, which means you’re probably seeing a lot of people rushing around at the last minute for cards and gifts. How did this tradition even come about?, you may wonder. Why is everyone scrambling one day a year to prove their love for one another? What does it even mean to be someone’s ‘Valentine’?